Cheers

So. I really hate when people write hackneyed articles like this because I’m like “who are you to give me this advice that you think is so groundbreaking” like we’re all just people and nobody is really more qualified than anyone else to tell other people how to live their lives. It doesn’t help that this is a piece about study abroad and gives off very #abroadchangedme vibes. BUT as I said in my very first post, I started this blog for myself, and I’m going to end it for myself too. I know I may look back at this in a few years and laugh at myself, but all of the growth and happiness that I feel in this moment is real in this moment. So make fun of me all you want, but without further ado, I present to you a cliché-as-heck list of 5 personal lessons that I learned from my semester in Cape Town.

Everyone has a different idea of what is “meaningful”, and that’s really beautiful.
I already talked about this a bit in other blogs, but I’ve been so fascinated here by how I’ve found meaning in the unexpected. There have been experiences that I thought for sure would affect me more than they did, and there have been ones that have completely blown my expectations out of the water. But something really cool and related to this is that everyone has something different that makes them personally feel connected/spiritual/emotional. I made a lot of not so nice jokes in the beginning about how I was so glad to not be in Europe because I’d hate to go out and travel all the time and walk around seeing tourist sites. Now, I realize that just because those experiences may not be particularly enjoyable or meaningful for me doesn’t mean they aren’t for other people. I personally felt the most connected and reflective when I was experiencing nature—doing KabShab outside on the balcony while watching it get dark, sitting in Kirstenbosch, watching a sunset, driving on a safari. For other people, it’s more meaningful to walk through a museum, have a deep conversation, or immerse yourself in a new cultural experience. I think that once my friends and I realized that we all have different “things” and gave each other the freedom to choose for ourselves what to prioritize, we were all happier. It’s important to embrace differences in passion and avoid any judgment about what does or doesn’t make a person feel fulfilled.

Every personal interaction is an opportunity for learning.
I’ve never been great at striking up conversations, especially with strangers. I’m not usually the person to initiate small talk—I’ve always found it exhausting and strained. This semester though, I made my best effort to stretch that muscle, knowing that small talk is pretty essential for making new friends in a new environment. But even after I made my good friends and didn’t really need to initiate conversation much with people I didn’t know, I continued to do it in different aspects of my life. I think I got used to it because my friends are great conversationalists and could have an hour-long conversation with a wall, so I just got used to chatting up Uber drivers, the person working the front desk, or the person sitting next to me at the Afrikaburn burn. I can’t pretend I was SO amazing at this; I still did a lot of joining in late and listening after my friends initiated the conversations. But the point is, I learned that by not asking people about themselves and ignoring opportunities for conversation, I could be a missing out on great story. If I had never asked my Uber driver where he was from, I would’ve never learned that he lived in BoKapp and that the community was thinking about painting all of the houses white in protest of the rising rent prices. If I hadn’t chatted up the girl sitting next to me on the plane, we wouldn’t have kept each other company with conversation about Cape Town for the next hour. If Liv hadn’t reached out to the random man at Afrikaburn, we would’ve never gotten to see his incredible magic trick. I know it’s cliché, but engaging, asking questions and being present really does enhance your experience and worldview.

Patience does pay off.
Listen! Abroad was not always amazing sunshine and rainbows! As my apartment all knows now (because I bring it up 24/7 lol) I used to think they all hated me and was convinced I wasn’t going to make good friends this semester. I didn’t want to have to make the effort to change things; I wanted to instantaneously be great comfortable friends. Same thing with hiking—after my first really hard hike, I felt awful. I hated that I would have to practice hiking to get better and enjoy it, and I thought I’d never get to that point anyway. With my classes, I wrote them off after my first couple of classes and accepted that I wouldn’t find any of them interesting. As the weeks went on, I suddenly realized that my friendships felt more natural than they had before. I slowly found myself being comfortable hanging out one-on-one with all of my friends, and I noticed that I finally felt like myself again. After a few workout classes and a couple more hikes, I found that I no longer struggled as much with the hikes. As my class went on and I made the effort to pore through the readings, I started becoming invested in what I was learning. Happiness isn’t instantaneous! If it was that easy, nothing would truly feel rewarding. Being frustrated about it didn’t help to speed things up, but being patient, persistent, and putting in effort did.

It’s good to be confused.
I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. Confusion means that you’re thinking critically and not taking anything for absolute truth, which I think is always ideal. There are SO MANY things I was insanely confused about in Cape Town, and it frustrated me to no end. I wanted answers, wanted to be able to pick a side or make a final judgment or understand what I could do about a situation. The political climate in South Africa is intense and disorienting, and so many aspects of it had my mind spinning. How can I be an ally for people of color without assuming what I should do but without burdening them with the question? Is it bad of me to continue going to markets that basically only white people go to? Who am I to judge which people on the street I should give money to or not give money to? Is it messed or is it responsible for study abroad students to volunteer in a township orphanage? None of these questions have clear answers. If I thought they did, I’d definitely be doing something wrong. The world is a complicated place, and all we can do is keep asking questions and seeking out different perspectives. Confusion indicates growth, and admitting it indicates strength.

Don’t lose sight of what truly matters in a friendship.
This semester was a real love fest for me and my friends, but it wasn’t without its fair share of petty conflict. When you spend every waking minute with the same people for 5 months, you’re bound to see their good and bad sides. We’ve all gotten to know each other’s weaknesses and flaws, both big and small—being too loud in the morning, not communicating well about plans, taking jokes a little too far. But we never went too long harboring negative feelings, and we always came back to each other with meaningful gestures or a shoulder to lean on. And as easy as it is to get caught up in our annoyance in the moment, I was always brought back down soon enough to remember what’s truly important. More than any small spat, I’ll remember when Liv sent me home with my favorite Cape Town pastry and a lovely note, when Rachel went out of her way to buy me a candle for my birthday or text me good luck on my final, when Rebecca walked behind me on all of the hikes to make sure I wasn’t in the back, when Jen did dozens of errands with me just to keep me company, when Alicia boosted my confidence and told me I looked great in all of my moments of self-doubt, when Nicole sacrificed her studying time to see a movie with me or come to one last brunch before I left, when Jham texted me “what can I do” and offered up her computer the second I told her mine broke. A good friend isn’t someone whom you think has no flaws—it’s someone who, despite their flaws, still manages to lift you up and make you feel loved. This semester was a much-needed reminder of this.

Thank you to everyone who has stuck with me throughout this journey and sifted through a million movie reviews and random opinions just to keep up with my life this past semester. This experience has been one of tremendous growth for me, and I'm so glad that I got to share it with the people I love. As I sign off on this blog, I'll leave you with the Capetonian way of saying goodbye. Cheers, my friends...